Finding Oneself
Yours truly searching King's Garden (Copenhagen)
Photo: CykelKurt
The legend tells a strange story of an artist, who creates his works in a cold and lonely attic. But what exactly is driving him forward, is it the dream of fame & fortune, or are other motives involved? To get an answer, I ask someone who should know.
By Kurt Starlit
And the choice fell on CykelKurt, who to a great extent have been working within the world of music - as a listener, musician, composer, author and even as a manufacturing partner.
We meet on a chilly day in autumn in one of the many parks of Copenhagen. The weather is grey, overcast and mild, some 10°C. We sit on a green bench, as CykelKurt takes his thermal coffee and cheese sandwiches out of his bag, while he explains: "This is because of my diabetes".
Is there any reason that we meet in a park?
CK: "Yes, the Copenhagen parks are so inspiring by their very existance in the middle of a stony city. If you come here in the morning, you have the garden practically to yourself. This I enjoy. Later in the day, respectable citicens are walking the dog, children are playing, youngsters are kissing and homeless people are drinking beer - all in this one place. It all has its charm. Above all, I enjoy thinking here, and I know this may sound strange, but the the green environment seems to inspire your whole inner universe and lifting your spirit to a higher level."
Inspiration, now you said the word, so what is inspiration?
CK: "Oh no, please don't ask....I got no sensible answer. All I can say is that a walk in the park create wonders and makes your brain work. I have often seen how the internal universe get stuck, if you sit at home waiting for something to happen. But as soon as I start walking, my brain starts to work again. For the last year I have completely given up the notepad that I used to carry. Instead, I purchased this mp3 recorder to preserve the ideas before they evaporate. It works very well."
Okay, but are the ideas worth anything, when they evaporate so easily?
CK: "Well, yes....yes very much. In many ways our brain is comparble to a computer. You have the long memory that contains things which happened long ago, and you have the short memory which is used for the daily routines. It quickly get ideas, but loses them just as quickly, if they cannot be used here and now. So, that's the time for the mp3!
No, quite honestly, I don't know nothing about our brain, but nevertheless I have often experienced how easily I forget daily small thoghts, as soon as they are thought. For this reason, I always bring the notebook and especially the mp3 recorder with me."
Well okay, we were supposed to talk music, but why exactly?
CK: "Well, I guess because music always had this inexplicable attraction. It's a universe of its own. I always felt like in a special state of mind. It's an attraction which is difficult to explain, like magnetism. You can demonstrate its existance from its influence on the environment, but you can't explain its own existance. It's just there, and it's the same attraction I feel when it comes to music."
How about yourself, do you consider yourself an artist?
CK: "I consider myself a retired musician, because I previously put some energy into the project. Whether it is to be considered as art, is of no importance. This musical project was exciting and opened mental doors while it happened - that's what matters to me."
The Beginning
How did you become musical interested in the first place?
CK: "I think it was the summer of 1959 as a 12-year old schoolboy. We were a group of youngsters going to the beach. I noticed this tanned young man, dressed in small bathing trousers while playing an acoustic guitar. He sang the popular songs of the time, while sorrounded by barely dressed females. Suddenly I understood that he obviously had learned his lesson right. Not because he was very good at his instrument (because he wasn't), neither because he sang very well (because he didn't), but because he had found a way to get in touch with the exciting opposite sex (which I hadn't).
At the same time I started purchasing records - EP and singles. Guitarist Jorgen Ingmann was the star in my universe. Also, I bought a couple of records with Duane Eddy, but after all he was not that good, so I quickly lost interest. There was also this American group, The Guitars Inc., that you could hear on the radion once in a while."
When did you get your first instrument?
CK: "At 13, it was an acoustic Framus jazzguitar, very handsome, a gift from my mother. I was sent to a boarding school at that time, and brought it with me. At this school many of the elder boys were playing electric guitars, so of course it didn't take many minutes before I had my hottest wish ready for my mother: an electric guitar! I got it at my confirmation, a Hofner, model 126 and since that happy day my world was spinning around electric guitars, especially the Fenders."
Who did you join up with?
CK: "Oh, this is going to be a long story, if I tell you about groups and musicians I have considered, rehearsed or even played with. I'd rather say that they were many, and that it sometimes was fun and instructive. But today it is nevertheless clear to me, that it was at home in the studio, that I had my best times. It was here that I found my musical self - maybe even myselfself (laughter)."
How come?
CK: "Well, how shall I explain...when you were out performing, there were certain limits you had to stay within. You were expected to do so and so - no more, no less. I'm not regretting or lamenting, I'm just stating a fact. Besides I always did my very best to do what was expected. But nevertheless: At home in my little studio I could do whatever I felt like. There was no image to confirm, I could allow myself to follow any idea. I played all instruments, sang all the tunes and got all the ideas. It was demanding to invent it all by yourself, but also with a touch of happiness, I dare say."
You have been writing quite a lot about your home studio, but how did you actually get started with all this?
CK: "Technically speaking it was quite easy. It was a lot worse economically. I never felt I had the money to buy the right equipment. But anyway, Norwegian Tandberg made this tape recorder in the mid sixities, model 62X. It had this feature, playback from one track to another - "Sound on Sound" was the technical term. Loyal help from my fiance made it possible to purchase this machine which, in principle, made a home studio come true."
Does this mean that the equipment consisted of a tape recorder and a guitar?
CK: "Yes, roughly. Little by little I got more accessories, but we're close to 1980 before I would call it a reasonably equipped studio with multiple recorders, guitars, keyboards, echo, reverb, EQ, noise reduction, drum kit, monophonic synth, microphones and so on and so forth."
How did you get the muscial ideas?
CK: "Many of them had been part of my inner universe for years, just waiting to be be recorded. Others came flying by as an inspiration from the equipment I was using, e.g. "Montmartre", which was inspired by monophonic Korg synth MS-20, that I used a lot in those days.
A whole series of numbers were inspired by groups and individuals that I played with. Not that I copied them, more that I let myself inspire by them. If they ever knew they were the inspiration of a given number, they probably couldn't tell. This was also a way to recreate, in my own universe, something I previously had experienced with musicians on the road. I always had this double-feeling of loving and hating life on the road."
Tell me more!
CK: "About life on the road? Well, it certainly has its charm when four guys go west in a truck with all the equipment onboard. We're a band, we're a group, we experience as a band. It's a feeling of freedom, besides you'll find many describing it much better than I. So, no, I won't go into detail, but the very atmospere, the unity, the group feeling - that's what makes it all worthwhile. The musical part was always second for me."
Please explain!
CK: "Well, it's like a surrogate. Of course I did my best to prepare, to play and to perform, but basically it was all a question of copying someone. The real stuff was made at home in my studio. We had many a good discussion on this subject, so to put it short, they didn't agree. And I'm not blaming anybody, I'm just stating a disagreement."
Original vs. copy
This is rather interesting, talking about musical ideals, some musicians apparently take this litterally, trying to copy their ideals down to the very last bit. Is this a relevant view?
CK: "Anybody of course could suggest anything, but I think basically there are two schools that are looking in opposite directions. One copies down to the smallest detail, while the other improvises more freely.
For my own part I have favorites, of course I have. But that doesn't mean I try to sound, look or act like them. It just means that they are a source of inspiration. I try to sound, look and act like myself (laughter), find my own style and eventually find myself. And I'm not trying to tell you this is easy, I'm just trying to tell you that it's worth trying!
I also understand that it could be necessary for many musicians to perform like copycats - after all, we all need bread and butter. What I don't understand is how they find musical satisfaction within this copycat business."
So, it seems like the copycats have got a point?
CK: "Well yes, they have the point that copying means earning some money. But otherwise....take a look at those who made it big. None of them made it because they copied or imitated somebody. No, they made it because they presented something original, something independent - this seems quite obvious to me."
Talking 'bout originality, it seems noteworthy that most of your studio productions are your own compositions. Why not simply use standards or evergreens?
CK: "It has something to do with finding oneself. I always felt that there was something special to engineering your own musical universe - and finally finding oneself. I know many musicians who play the type of compositions you are referring to. To make it even worse, they play these works so close to the original version, that it sometimes is hard to tell which is which.
It's not that it bothers me, it's just that anything selfmade (music or whatever) has got something special. Not that it necessarily is better than anything else, but because it is more personal - your soul is within your work, so to speak. It has got a significance when you have been into details for personal adjustments. The final result in my opinion ought to be a personal expression, a personal statement. Hopefully this will give the listener an insight into one (or more) side(s) of the author.
But honestly speaking, I also played copy music at many occations myself. For example, when I went to school, I was impressed by The Searchers and their harmonies. But copying didn't last forever, It seems logical to develop - also in a musical content."
Yes I understand, but also in your later career you'd play what we used to call the blockbuster brigade, didn't you?
CK: "Oh yes, absolutely. But not as a preferred ideal. In the early days, when we were rehearsing, we were longing to get musical work, the message from the club owners always were: Play something popular, play something that people already know. This we did, we had a lot of fun, but it certainly was not an ideal. First of all it was out of pure necessity."
What is so fantastic in playing your own music?
CK: "Well, I hope this don't sound like too aristocratic, but the ultimate goal must be to find yourself - to find your musical self. You'll never get there by gabbling like a parrot!"
I had the impression, that it is by playing with real musicians that you find yourself?
CK: "No, not necessarily. I have often experienced, that musical interaction turns out to be repetition of a certain theme or a certain piece of music. We have to rehearse 112 times because we are going to perform this piece of music sometime somewhere. And don't get me wrong, the rehearsal is problably necessary, but I don't believe that many musicians gets any wiser about himself this way."
You often seem to emphasize jazz as something special, but within jazz you also see musicians, even of a high standard, playing standards and evergreens.
CK: "Oh yes, absolutely, only with the difference that they use the standard melody as a presentation from which they improvise and build something personal up. They certainly don't copy. As an example, take a listen to someone like Henrik Gunde playing a Danish rock group standard called "Kloden drejer stille rundt" (the globe's quietly turning). He is lifting it to new heights and his copy version is in a way more original than the original itself."
Searching for oneself
Photo: CykelKurt
The musical method
How do you write your own songs?
CK: "First of all it's a long time since I did anything within music business, but for each number my goal is to create a new universe. It should be clearly different from the previous number I made. In the best of all worlds it should sound like each number were made by different musicians. This is my ideal of recording.
Atmosphere too is a keyword. In my younger days I was obsessed with guitars, how little or how much it was present in the sound production. Later on, as my own studio became a reality, the completeness and atmosphere became crucial. For this reason I have no rule saying that guitar or drums has to be part of the production. It is decided from the atmosphere. It was like a relief when I reached that point.
A Danish newspaper had a reviewer, who used the expression "style excercise" when musicians were playing a great many different styles. This is the way I like to see my recordings - as style excercises. For the same reason I'd rather not return to the same type of excercise twice - it easily becomes too much excercise and too little style."
On the other hand there's a tendency to run dry from new ideas, I guess?
CK: "Yes perhaps, but you must dare to run that risk."
Can you mention a song you wish you had written?
CK: "Oh, there are too many to mention, but I have a weakness for this song called "Pop Music", written by some German that I don't even know. It has got all the ingeredients a song should have. I cannot explain otherwise. It hits the target and I like it. Wish I had written it in time (laughter)."
But is it possible to find yourself by constantly changing your musical style?
CK: "Yes, I believe so. Variation gives you a sense of the possibilities. For example, there are styles which I in no way feel comfortable with or attracted to (e.g. Bossa Nova). Nevertheless it must be played through to decide what you can (or cannot) get out of it. That's why I threw myself into playing A swinging tune on a Spanish guitar. I was afraid that the guitar would sound too empty, too naked and too revealing.
It's not an exaggeration to say, that my ambitions are far higher than my abilities. For this reason one should dare to sail out into the open sea, to find your limits. Otherwise you end up paddling in the local pond till the end of thy days."
Okay, please tell me, what exactly is so fantastic about "style excercises"?
CK: "It's the variation and the experience of finding new universes - the experience of a new me. In this way you are constantly working on finding (or creating) a new universe - a new side of yourself."
Is there no end to the variations?
CK: "Surely, and maybe I'm repeating myself without knowing, but at least I don't feel that I have started to repeat - yet!"
How about various musical styles, how do you feel about them?
CK: "Oh, I don't know really, it's not that I hate or love any style. They all have something and miss something. A swinging jazzy organ for example could sound just right at first, but when he keeps on playing the same style or sound for three numbers, I lose interest. Maybe it's my age or something, but silence means a whole lot to me these days, I would go crazy if I had to listen to music all day.
Besides, I distinguish between listening and playing. These are two different things. I find the songs from The Rolling Stones first and second LP rather amusing to play, but boring to listen. These days I would rather listen to someone like Danish pianist Thomas Koppel, when he's playing "Improvisations for Piano". That's the type of music I find interesting and re-vitalizing.
How about relaxation music, that have nothing to do with what you are doing, do you ever hear that kind of music?
CK: "No no, that's not for me. It makes me..... I don't know, disturbed or something and I lose concentration. On the other hand, when I was young, I listened to Swedish Radio because they had music journalists in London, New York and LA. I listened to this with great pleasure.
In this way I found out about Super Session LP with Al Kooper and guitarist Mike Bloomfield. Especially "Albert's Shuffle" made a huge impression. From the same station I listened to Harvey Mandel with "Baby Batter" and "Shangrenade".
I started deliberately to listen to jazz when I met Erroll Garner musically in 1990, but since 2005 or so I have lost the interest of listening intensely to any music. Writing at my homepage has taken over. This is not something I have planned, it's just something that has come."
Ambition and recognition
How about yourself, did you find what you were looking for?
CK: "Oh boy, that's a good question, I'll admit that. In a musical sense you could put it this way: It happened like it had to happen, taking my personal characteristics into consideration. I was close to fifty, when I finally realized that there is at least one reason why things have happened like they did. I was never prepared to sacrifice what needed to be sacrificed. You don't get very long in show business this way. You have to be where it's at, otherwise the train has left the station. That's what happened to me, that train left the station.
And no, I'm not complaing, I have only myself to complain (if needed). On the other hand, if you draw a comparison, take a good look at many of those who made it big in Danish music business. I won't mention their names, but most of them ended up like disasters. So, I got everything I wanted, and I was lucky never to be economically dependent on business. That's how I see it myself."
Do you miss recognition for the music you either wrote or recorded?
CK: "Well, when I first understood myself psychically, the rest was easy. There are limits how long you can get, if you don't want to leave home, so to speak.
When I was younger, I dreamed of, AT HOME, to produce hits and musical gimmicks for the music business. I certainly never dreamed of standing on bandwagon 117, playing the same tune 118 times with group number 119, especially designed for this task. But this was what the record companies demanded. For this reason it never happened. I stayed with my civil job and kept music as a hobby."
When are you happy?
CK: "Oh no, that's an impossible question.
One feeling of great happiness is when I'm sitting in my studio, feeling united with the project. It's a feeling of great satisfaction to forget yourself and feel united with the project - nearly on a spiritual level. I know this sounds stupid, but that's the way it is.
In the same way, when I was out performing somewhere, we certainly had moments of happiness when all the musicians were swinging on the same wavelength. Forgetting yourself came as a complete surprise, being united with the project. I never understood what was happening, but it was surely worthwhile."
Crisis and career
I read somewhere, that you had a personal crisis in the beginning of the 1980s. Does this mean that you took a break from music - turning into stand-by in any way?
CK: "Roughly speaking I recorded like a maniac 1980-85. In 1985 the crisis came, which first of all was a divorce. From this point I stopped recording, and instead started performing piano and keyboard playing together with a drummer at parties, weddings, receptions and so on. This we did for twenty years, before we decided to stop."
Wow, that's what I call a shifting career!
CK: "Absolutely, but that's the way it was. Even if I always hated changes, I nevertheless had a string of serious changes down through my life. It is like a paradox."
I can't help wondering, though, how did you find any exitement or inspiration in playing this kind of music?
CK: "I know that people find this hard to believe, but I found musical satisfaction anyway, because it all was new and demanding for me. I had to learn the piano, the keyboard, the bassboard, all types of songs that you are expected to know at celebrational events. As a keyboard player, in reality the musical part of an event is your responsibility - just like at home in the studio. I won't go into detail, but you have to deal with all kinds of musical and technical problems, playing under such conditions. It's challenging, sure, but also satisfying when you succeed.
I had to start from scratch at 40, rehearsing piano, keyboards, bass pedals, and the repertoire itself. So, this was an experience, I dare say."
The impossible dream
Did you ever dream of becoming a professional?
CK: "Yes absolutely. When I was young, life as a pro seemed to be the answer to all your prayers. Luckily an old friend advised me NOT to go pro, I had a number of rehearsals with professional groups, and finally found out, this was not for me. One reason is that I had (and have) diabetes. Another reason is that I had (and have) a family. So, instead I became a happy amateur and a professional Electronic Engineer. This gave me the ability to construct and repair my own musical equipment and the like."
Did you ever feel like becoming an engineer?
CK: "Oh yes, absolutely. First of all I wanted to be able to repair my own equipment. As an example, my amplifier collapsed on stage somewhere me and my group were performing. I often wished that I knew a bit more about low power electricity. By getting this education, I was able to build this little studio, where I recorded like a madman. I also built stomp boxes by the dozen - and amplifiers. Finally I got my hands on a monophonic synthesizer. It is very versatile, e.g. I used it as a stomp box at many occations. Of course you have to know something about sound and how the synth works, but then it's close to perfection."
At a time you started digging jazz music?
CK: "Yes, this was around 1990, I bought my first record with pianist Erroll Garner, "Concert by the Sea". This was some kind of a transition, I had the impression that jazz people were really cool when it came to sound, harmony and interplay. Little by little I found out, this was a fact with a few modifications - let's put it that way."
What's the matter?
CK: "It's the general musical feeling I'm talking about. Especially drummers are terrible, because they always keep thundering away without any understanding of interaction. My best live experiences were always without any drummer, because usually they just add noise. In the studio you can adjust the drumming level by a volume control.
The double-bass is, present and absent at the same time, is also a problem. Tone and timbre is often totally absent. I'm just wondering what happened to sound check and professionalism. My point is that you, as a musician, should be able to abstract from your own personal interests and look at the musical piece as a whole. This I had expected from jazz musicians in general, but alas, reality has taught me something else (laughter)."
So, what does your future as a musician look like?
CK: "It does not look like anything at all, it's out of existance. I have spent so much time and energy on music, that a stop is reasonable. When I met my third wife Hennie in 2005, this was the beginning of a "Third Life". So many things were never done, first of all because of the music. Now I am going to try something else. I still fancy writing, though I haven't decided how much. It depends..."
THE END
Interview produced by
Kurt Starlit
2011.Dec.10
